The defining difference between a child and an adult is the drive to reproduce. The cultural divide between adults and children is a divide over the involvement of reproductive activities in one’s daily life.
This is not to say that a child is incapable of interacting with this process. The process of circumcision often involves giving the infant boy an erection to present a firm surface against which to cut.
Yet it is typical of human culture (a defining difference from bonobo culture in fact) that sexual interactions with children are taboo and to be avoided.
The world governed by reproduction however contains a notable exception, and that is the role of a post-menopausal woman. In The Second Sex de Beauvoir describes such a person as “a third sex”, and although an elder woman is typically presented with the opportunity to continue occupying the same social role she did during her time of fertility, many choose to adopt a different position which de Beauvoir describes as “more masculine” which is to say “less feminine”. She writes that such a woman is “more herself” and “less subject to forces which might overwhelm her”, and indeed, the property of having a fertile womb is a strong attunement to others’ desires.
This is why studies show that a woman who inactivates her womb’s fertility using artificial means possesses a reduced ability to perceive others’ emotions, an ability which has been shown to fluctuate throughout the menstrual cycle of a fertile woman.
Burying the Lead
Two interesting aspects of Orthodox culture both serve I believe to disguise this obvious connection from males in society. First, women typically wear wigs from the moment in which they are married. I remember interacting with an elder woman who was very successful at occupying the same role she had during her fertility, and I think that her dark brown bob was a large part of what allowed her to cultivate this illusion. I saw her once wearing a cap instead and I was noticeably less deceived.
The second practice which is I believe relevant is the practice of isolating a woman from men during her period. The above phenomenon in which a woman’s “womanliness” decreases after the onset of menopause also applies during her time of bleeding. The purpose served by keeping her away from her husband is to ensure that he never notices this difference for himself in a fashion which might lead him to draw a connection between the two. The average Orthodox man is blind to the obvious.
Intersexuality
The complicating factor for a worldview centered on reproduction is that some humans cannot reproduce. Different figures have been presented to define the label “intersex”, but if one defines intersex as “unable to be categorized into either male or female” the number of humans whose reproductive characteristics are so outside the norm as to defy categorization is 0.018%, a number which is very small, but nonzero.
Designing your society in such a fashion that 99.98% of humans can fit into it is broadly speaking not a substantial “bodge”. But that technicality is present and does exist.
The Present Debate
There was an ancient society which established as its highest priority reproductive satisfaction. In this society vasectomy was prohibited, because it reduces satisfaction for both partners. This same society prohibited sodomy, because an anus does not lead to a womb. It prohibited masturbation on those same grounds. And the truest inheritors of the legacy of this society have also prohibited artificial means of preventing pregnancy which reduce reproductive satisfaction for this reason.
The opposition to this worldview is centered on amplifying that 0.02% figure and obstinately adopting a stance which opposes the underlying reproductive aspects of social interactions between adult men and women. These people are almost entirely ordinary XX females and XY males who intentionally hide their reproductive capacity from others to prevent them from engaging in this type of social interaction. The thing which they have demonstrated is that many social interactions which are never intended to lead towards intercourse nonetheless play out differently depending on the reproductive capacity of the involved parties.
The author’s opinion is that these differences serve to make socialization easier and more fun for everyone involved.
Coda
The truth is that the sexual binary has never applied perfectly to each and every individual. The flipside of this is however that in social interactions involving adults leveraging reproductive compatibility to build stronger bonds of friendship is a valuable tool whose absence is being clearly felt by those who refuse to leverage it.
I want to live in a world where intersex people are treated with dignity and are able to enjoy maximal participation in these larger dynamics using whatever means make the most sense. I don’t want to live in a world where the rest of us suffer on their behalf.